Just read this extremely interesting book..... Kite Runner
First of all its a fabulous piece of art by khaled hosseini.... it really took me in a totally different state of mind.... all the mistakes i had done... right from a small lie to some school teacher to the biggest of mistakes i have done.... all of them were flashing in front of my eyes as i was going through it.... I could really relate to the character "Amir" in it.....
There have ben many instances when my mind had said something and my heart wanted to take a totally different path.... The chickening out of amir at various situations reminded me how i have sometimes let others down and have ran out of trouble just to save myself..... I felt like apologizing to each of them before its too late... I have the chance which amir didn't.....
As some people say..."i have a really bad timing of expressing myself..."..... i felt the same for amir..... he wanted to save his friend..... but all he could think of was fear... the consequences that might arise after that..... Friends..... in every situation of your life you seldom have a single path to take..... there is always a choice and sacrifice.... i think i have taken the wrong ones many times which i regret till date.......
The part where amir stands up for hassan's son shohrab is really what i want to do before its too late..... But i don't know whether i'd be able to gather enough courage to do that... to stand up to someone's expectations..... to make a sacrifice for them..... I don't know what happens to me in such situations......
Am not able to find more words to express the guilt and remorse i am feeling right now simply due to the fact that i couldn't do the right thing at the right time..... I feel even worse because i've always expected friends, and they have, to stand up for me..... to support me.... but all i thought was myself..... what will i get out of it..... will it harm me????.... is it safe enough to speak or interfere????.....
All i want to do is to run, as fast as i can, for the kite floating high in the sky...... try to catch it for my dear ones..... i know its cut.... and is flying freely... going out of my reach with every passing instant..... but i want to run...... to jump as high as i can to grab it.... to hold it to my chest and feel it..... and cry.... cry out loud what i have deep down inside.......
Sorry to all of you whom i have let down..... i know i have.....
These thoughts might appear to be random.... they might appear to be jumbled up..... but this is how it works in my mind..... jumbled..... all webbed up... entangled amongst themselves......
I hope someday i can do what i feel........
2 comments:
I think that The Kite Runner is a wonderful book....full of emotions and the questioning of them...
To be honest, in life there is no right or wrong answer. It is us, how we think and feel and the actions we take that determine what we think is right and wrong. But then again, to someone else, our 'right' decision may be 'wrong' instead!
I don't know what you have been through in life to make you feel like you have let others down so apologies if this offends..but I think that for every decision you've taken where you feel as if you have let soemone down, I am sure that there were plenty other decisions where you have made someone happy. We always tend to reflect greatly on the negative aspects of life and less so on the positive ones.
There are always consequences of our actions. Everything happens for a reason and each experience in our lives makes us the people we are today. So don't worry too much about what has happened but rather look toward the future and decide what could...
(hope you dont mind such a looong message!! yours made me think and this came out :-s )
take care
sonal
hehe....haan i totally agree with u saying that "We always tend to reflect greatly on the negative aspects of life and less so on the positive ones"...but that's what m learning to take care of...to see more of my positives...rather than negatives....but lifez tough...the negatives always pop up....
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